This article first appeared in issue 5 of Digital Parenting magazine and was credited to anti-bullying campaigner Alex Holmes.
With so many scare stories about cyberbullying, it’s not surprising that parents can feel overwhelmed. Our Q&A helps to shed some light. If you would like to read our tips and advice on cyberbullying, scroll to the bottom of this piece.
1. Is there more bullying today than there used to be?
According to a report by The Department of Education in 2018, one in six young people aged 10 – 15 reported being bullied in the previous 12 months. However, the report claims this is similar to the figure for previous years (since 2013). That said, 25% of those who said they had been bullied had also experienced cyberbullying, while 4% who did not claim to be bullied claimed to have been cyberbullied, so some of this has shifted online.
2. What is cyberbullying?
Cyberbullying is when a person uses technology to abuse, harass or humiliate someone repeatedly over the internet. This could involve sending messages by mobile phone or over social media or sharing images or personal information.
3. What difference does online make?
Because we can be connected to the internet 24 hours a day, cyberbullying can follow someone into their home – even into their bedroom – and can be hard to escape. As online platforms allow for content to be viewed and shared by others, it can spread more quickly and be seen by a much larger audience than it would offline.
4. Why is anonymity significant?
Some platforms allow a bully to hide their identity behind a fake or anonymous profile. That said, everyone’s digital footprint is traceable. It’s also important to report and block abuse, and to think about who has access to a victim’s profile and whether they want to restrict who can make contact.
5. The difference between normal adolescent online “drama” and bullying?
Parents and adults may not be the best judges of what constitutes bullying. There may be in-jokes or everyday “drama” that we don’t understand. The key is always how a young person feels about it. Something that began as a joke online may become hurtful: humour can be lost with no face-to-face interaction. There are bound to be times when adolescents feel excluded; online games or social media platforms can exacerbate this sense of being left out. The key, again, is to take your lead from your kids. But harassing someone or sharing their personal data without permission is definitely not OK.
6. Is it true that some children bully themselves?
A survey by the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Centre found that 9% of the 617 students interviewed had bullied themselves online anonymously. Other studies are scarce, but it is important that we look deeper into the lives of such people and understand why they are doing it.
7. How can I increase my kid’s awareness of cyberbullying?
A good way to broach the subject is to ask them what they would do if they ever saw someone being bullied online or offline, talking to them about not being a bystander and being kind to others. You can let them know that you will always be there to listen and help if they ever have a problem, worry or concern, and encourage them to think about their support network inside and outside school as well. The best thing you can do as a parent is to keep talking to them so that they know they can always come to you when they need support or advice.
8. What should I do if I think my kid(s) is/are being bullied online?
Believe and listen to them, praise them for speaking out and remember you are not the only family going through this. Tell them not to retaliate – that’s exactly what the bullies want. Instead, take the power back: block them and hopefully the bullying will stop. Every site has a way of blocking and reporting. It’s also a good idea to save any evidence of bullying, which can be vital if it escalates. The Malicious Communications Act protects users online, so don’t be afraid to approach your local police if the abuse is particularly threatening or serious. It might also be a good idea to sit down and look at their friends list and work out together who their real friends are.
9. What if I think my kid(s) is/are bullying someone online?
We all say things that we don’t mean, and on the internet it’s easy to get brave and say things that you would never say to someone’s face. It’s important that they understand when their actions have become bullying and that at such a point they need to stop. First, remain calm. We all make mistakes; the important thing is to learn from them. Listen to them, don’t jump in and blame them. Find out the facts. There’s likely to be a reason they are acting this way – but don’t accept excuses. Help them to understand the impact of their words both online and offline and don’t be afraid to use your support network: think about friends, family and even school staff that you could be speak to about what is going on.
TIPS AND ADVICE
If you suspect they’re being cyberbullied, explain to them what cyberbullying is, and ask if anything like that has happened to them. Likewise, if you suspect they are cyberbullying, address this with them and ask them why this is happening
If they don’t want to talk to you, suggest they chat with a teacher, or if they want to talk to a trained and trusted professional, they can call Childline
Don’t stop them from using the internet or their mobile phone as it may feel like they’re being punished and could stop them from telling you what’s happening
Make sure they know how to block anyone who posts hateful or abusive things about them on each app or online service they use – this process will usually fall under ‘settings’
Report it to the game/social platform, who are more likely to take the content down if the person involved in the video or their parents make the report
Thinkuknow has advice on online safety for young people that’s suitable for different age groups
All online activity can be traced by the police without any difficulty, so if you need to gather evidence, this is possible
Tell them not to let anyone see them signing into their accounts and if they do, change the password as soon as they can
This article was originally written in partnership with Parent Zone